15 RULES TO LIVING YOUR LIFE WITHOUT LOOKING LIKE AN IDIOT (aka A Cynic’s Guide to Life):
 

1. wake up early and go to bed late. it will look like you don’t care. you will seem detached and cool.

2. everyone is out to hurt you. protect the face.

3. anxiety is not sexy. always be proud and confident, even when you don’t know what the fuck you are doing.

4. quoting from psychotics like Edgar Allan Poe, sexists like Sigmund Freud, arrogant creeps like Allen Ginsberg and smart-ass mystics like Kurt Vonnegut will make you seem cultured and worldly. who cares if they are all dull and you only read the title page?

5. tell people you hate Woody Allen films even if you’ve never seen any of them.

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